1977-1980 Part 3B: Debate at Wayne State: The Coaches

My recollections of the other coaches. Continue reading

My recollections of the other coaches. Continue reading →

Any treatment of any aspect of debate at Wayne State University in the second half of the twentieth century must begin with George Ziegelmueller1. During the course of my seven years of debate I had formed two opinions of him: 1) He was a mediocre debate coach; 2) He was a horrible judge. I certainly underrated him as a coach (at least on the affirmative), but not as a judge. Of course, I was (and still am) prejudiced. After my last tournament (districts in 1970, which is described here) I hated him as much as I have ever hated anyone in my life.

Nevertheless, I can usually compartmentalize. George and I had a good working relationship from the start. I did whatever he told me to do. I had great respect for his ability to deal with the bureaucracy, and I have no doubt whatever that the welfare and success of his debaters meant the world to him.

Welcome to Phoenix!

My favorite George story took place in the Detroit Metro Airport in 1980. Six of us were preparing to attend the National Debate Tournament at the University of Arizona. George and I were the coaches. The debaters were senior Scott Harris, juniors Kevin Buchanan and Mike Craig, and Dave Debold, who was only a sophomore.

We were all very excited. For three of the four guys it was the very first time that they had flown to a tournament. For me it was also very special. I had never been to the state of Arizona. Also, I knew that this might well be my last debate tournament ever.

George handed out the tickets to each of us. He informed us of the gate from which the plane would depart. Before we went through security, however, Dave noticed something amiss. “These tickets are for Phoenix,” he said. “Isn’t the University of Arizona in Tucson?”

Our tickets were indeed non-stop tickets to Phoenix on Frontier Airlines. Incredibly, George was able to exchange the tickets for ones to and from Tucson. We only had to wait in the terminal for an hour or so, and all of our luggage was also transferred to our new flight.

George did not really believe in tipping. Having been to Europe several times, I agree with him in principle. However, this is not Europe; most American restaurants paid (and still pay) their employees scandalously low wages.

The way George expressed his philosophy about tipping was this: “I pay for the meal out of the back-pocket of my pants; the tip comes from the front pocket.” That is, he paid for the bill with folding money and the tip with change.

I only accompanied George on a few trips. When I did, I would covertly pass the hat among the debaters. I would add my donation and give the total collection to one of the debaters. On our way to the car he/she would remember something left behind in the restaurant, return to the table, and supplement the tip with what we had collected.

The tournament in Denver was held at Metropolitan State College, now known as Metropolitan State University. It was an excellent venue.

I worked very hard during my first year at Wayne. I went to whatever tournaments George selected for me, and I did not step on anyone’s toes. Even before districts I asked George if I could go to the National Debate Tournament in Denver in the spring. George was taken aback by this request.

Jack Kay, after all, was his right-hand man. George said that I could accompany the team to districts, but he and Jack would judge. I replied that the team (Debbie McCully and Scott Harris) did not need me at districts. However, they had very little experience on the national circuit, and I had a lot. I knew many of the debaters on the national scene and almost all of the coaches. I even volunteered to pay my own way to Denver if and when our team qualified. George eventually agreed, and he found the money.

This helped diminish, but not erase, the memory of the round against Ohio U. at districts in 1970.

Pam and Billy Benoit2 (beh NOYT) were my office-mates in Manoogian Hall. They had both attended Ball State University in Muncie, IN, and Central Michigan in Mount Pleasant. In 1979 Billy presented a paper on philosophy at a conference in Amsterdam. Pam went with him. I don’t remember how they got away with this. They both taught several classes.

Maybe in 2021.

Sue Comparetto somehow persuaded them to allow her to join them on this trip. She enjoyed the city immensely, and has wanted to return3 for the last forty-two years.

The Benoits once invited Sue and me over for supper in their apartment, which was near the campus. The repast itself was a little skimpy by my standards until they pulled out their fondue pot and the dipping snacks.

Billy and Pam were among the first players of Dungeons and Dragons (D&D) after I had purchased the original boxed set on August 17, 1978, as a present for myself on my thirtieth birthday. In the first few adventures we took turns as Dungeon Master. These were “Monte Haul” dungeons. The player characters soon reached level 5 or 6.Outlandishly rich orcs were slain by the thousand.

When the Player’s Handbook appeared a year or so later, I constructed a dungeon with a style that was more verismo. Deep in that dungeon was the lair of the fiercest monster they had yet to encounter, Frix the White Dragon. Non-player characters had warned everyone that he was very powerful because of his super-cold breath. One day Pam, Billy, and Vince Follert decided to go after him.

After a few minor skirmishes they found Frix’s cave, but, alas, Frix struck first and turned the entire party all to icicles. All three players were very angry at me for not providing them with a way to resurrect their highly prized characters.

The denouement of this story is in Vince’s section of this blog.

In 2021 I unearthed my slightly warped copy the graduate student’s bible.

By the time that Billy and Pam were ready to submit their dissertations in the spring of 1980 Sue and I had an IBM 5120 computer in our house. Sue used it for her fledgling programming business. I also tinkered with it. I had written a word processing program that printed documents in the format approved by the American Psychological Association. The only printer that it could use was a dot-matrix, but that was not yet considered gauche. I called my program “Amanuensis”.

The 5120 supported this printer and no other.

The university allowed graduate students a fixed number of minutes of computer time per semester. Pam and Billy traded me their minutes for one or two semesters in exchange for my printing of their dissertations using Amanuensis. Needless to say, I had to enter the text and footnotes through the keyboard. Producing a long paper with footnotes perfectly on a manual typewriter was a daunting task.

I ran into a few problems because, of course, no one checked my work. They became very jittery as the deadline day approached, but I was able to hand the final copies over to them with a few hours to spare.

In the winter of 1978-1979 Pam and Billy invited Sue, me, Vince, and, I think, John Pfeiffer to a weekend at a family cabin near Pokagon (poh-KAY-gun) State Park4. My recollection is that we drove there on Friday evening and returned on Sunday afternoon. Two thing stand out in my mind from this event. The first was mundane. Evidently there was a shortage of water in the plumbing system. The bathroom bore a sign that read: “If it’s yellow, let it mellow; if it’s brown, flush it down.” Five of us shared that toilet.

A long line to the top.

The other memory of that trip is epic. The toboggan run in the park is long and fast. The channels for the toboggans were not particularly narrow, but Billy was a big guy, and, to put it in nautical terms, he was broad in the beam. I think that we only participated in one run. We split into two groups of three. I went with Vince and John. Sue was in the Benoit’s group. The safety precautions for the ride were minimal. A guy at the top yelled “Keep your legs in!” before he gave the toboggan a shove.

Speed up to 43 mph coming down.

Our toboggan ride was somewhat thrilling because the pace was fast, and the riders had absolutely no control. I was in front. I just made myself as small as I could. The guy behind me had his legs on both sides of me. The guy behind him likewise put a leglock on the middle man. By the time that we reached the bottom, which was a quarter mile from the launching tower, one of Vince’s legs had rubbed against the side of the track a few times. He was sore but not injured. John and I were unscathed.

The three in the other toboggan did not fare as well. All three suffered scrapes. Billy was by far the worst. He stuck out on both sides of the toboggan and suffered rather ugly burns. We did not take him to the hospital, but he could hardly walk for a day or two, and he was sore for weeks.

Sheri Brimm joined the program in the fall semester of 1978. She had just graduated from Wright State University in Dayton, OH. She knew very little about debate. If Wright State had a debate team, I never heard of it, and they were in our district.

Sheri lived in an apartment near campus with her husband David. I seem to remember that he was going to Law School at Wayne State.

I was in one class with Sheri. I think that it was with the rhetoric professor, Dr. Jim Measell. For one of our assigned papers he provided very explicit instructions for what he wanted. I knew this guy and warned Sheri that she should do it exactly the way that he prescribed. She said that she thought that what he really was looking for was creativity. She may have been kidding, but she got a bad grade on the paper.

This is hydroplaning.

I also took one trip with Sheri. We were in charge of a van full of debaters headed for a nearby tournament. Akron University comes to mind, but I may be wrong. I let her drive because I wanted to work with some of the debaters. While we were still in Detroit it began to snow or sleet, and there was a little ice on the road. Basically, it was a normal winter day in Michigan in the seventies. The van started to skid. I yelled to her from the back of the van, “Slow down.”

“The car is hydroplaning,” she explained, but she did not drive noticeably slower.

“Hydroplaning is on water. This is ice. SLOW DOWN!” I countered.

I did not have many dealings with Sheri even though she returned for 1979-80. George may have let her work with some of the novice debaters, and she kept a chair warm during practice rounds.

Gerry Cox5 was my age. George was eighteen years older than I was. Everyone else in the FU was younger than I. Gerry joined the staff in 1979 after finally earning his bachelor’s degree the previous spring. I coached Gerry in my first two years. We became good friends, even though we had almost nothing in common. I also kept in touch with Gerry after I left Wayne St. He came to visit Sue and me twice while we lived in Rockville, CT. More memories of him can be read here.

I have three vivid recollections of Gerry from that last year. For years Gerry had been associated with the department off and on. I remember well the way that he treated the departmental secretary, whose name was, I think, Janet. On one occasion Gerry approached her desk and greeted her with the following: “Why don’t we rent a room at a hotel, rub Crisco all over both of our bodies, and see what happens?”

This approach was quite a bit different from my short conversations with her.

The second strong memory is of the only time that I ever saw Gerry nervous. He was for some reason chosen to give a speech on traffic safety to members of the Detroit Police Department. It may have been a contest. I drove him there for moral support.

Gerry had seen these up close a few times.

Gerry was reluctant even to enter the room. Apparently he feared that one of Detroit’s finest would recognize him from years gone for encounters in markedly less formal encounters, probably bars. At last we entered and took a seat. Gerry kept his eyes lowered while we were so seated.

Eventually Gerry gave his speech, which argued that requiring helmets for riders of motorcycles was a bad idea. It was a terrible speech. He claimed that requiring helmets would not reduce injuries much and that in some cases it would be counterproductive. I was shocked that a former Wayne State debater would make such a claim without a whiff of evidence.

Helmets are obviously counterproductive.

The close of his speech was greeted with tepid applause. As he approached me, he said softly, “Let’s get out of here.”

In the car I asked him why he made those claims without any evidence. He was stunned. He asked me, “Are you saying that I forgot to read the evidence?”

When I confirmed it he laughed and laughed and buried his head in his hands.

Steve D’Agostino coached some of the Individual Events (IE) people in 1977-78. I hardly knew him. I think that he had academic problems and left after one year.

Vince Follert6 was a pretty good debater at Loyola in Chicago, a Jesuit university. I judged him a few times before he graduated in 1977. His partner was weak, and the coaching at Loyola was not great. Even so, they did pretty well. I was favorably impressed.

Vince had a studio apartment near the campus. I am not sure that I ever entered it. He came to supper at our house on Chelsea a few times. We became pretty close friends. We usually ate lunch together at one of a few favorite restaurants on Woodward. Woodward Coney Island is still there in 2021! Their loose hamburger sandwiches were very tasty. I don’t remember the name of the other restaurant. Vince was enchanted by one of the waitresses who never wore a bra.

Vince stayed at Wayne for two years. I taught his classes whenever he was at a tournament, and he returned the favor when I was out of town. In the fall of 1978 he made the mistake of asking me to take his very first class. Here is how I began: “My name is Mike Wavada. Don’t write it down; I am not your teacher. Your real teacher is named Vince Follert. He is away at a debate tournament today. You won’t like him. He is fat, he smokes like a chimney, and he talks too fast.”

I did not mention it, but he also went through several six packs of Diet Pepsi every day.

Vince was as fond as I was of Dungeons and Dragons. He played every chance that he got. He was even more angry than the Benoits were at the instantaneous demise of his beloved characters when they stormed into Frix’s lair. I think that Vince’s main character was named Guelph the Elf.

Several months later he confronted me about the incident. “Resist Cold is a first level clerical spell, isn’t it? We were just idiots. We deserved to die.” He was right. They probably could have absconded with Frix’s fabulous treasure horde if they had bothered to prepare for cold weather with spells that any rookie cleric would know.

Vince and I attended a convention of the Central States Speech Association7 in the spring of 1979. We both presented papers there.

I don’t remember why we did not take Greenie. Instead, we rented a car from Budget. We got a good deal. There was a modest daily charge, but there was no mileage limit. My recollection is that we drove to St. Louis, went to the convention, and then drove back within twenty-four hours. That seems almost incredible. Maybe the trip took two days. In any case the man at Budget was astounded when he looked at the odometer.

I did not witness Vince’s presentation. His panel occurred at the same time as mine. Walter Ulrich, a very fine coach at the University of Houston, presented the first paper in our room. He argued that the value of the proposition should always be from the perspective of the collective interest of the people of the United States. There was time for questions after the evaluations. I asked Walter what he thought of propositions that were stated at a different level. For example, one of them that I debated in high school said that nuclear weapons should be controlled by an unspecified international organization. He opined that those resolutions were illegitimate.

The approach I called unfair is based on Archbishop Whately’s view of presumption.

My paper, which was the last one in our session, was on causality. I posited was not a useful construct in argumentation. Debates should focus on necessary conditions and sufficient conditions. I also argued that the negative teams had the responsibility to defend something in every debate. It was perfectly OK to defend what currently existed or what the government might do, but arguing that a case should be rejected because Congress could just pass a law to solve the problem or provide the benefit was an unfair reliance on the concept of presumption.

The two reviewers hated my paper. Dave Ling, the coach from Central Michigan (and a Wayne State alum), was at least nice about it. The other reviewer was from Washington University of St. Louis, a guy who was renowned as the worst judge on the circuit. He made fun of me. The time allotted was exhausted by the time that they finished. I did not get a chance to rebut what they said.

Most top coaches would have agreed with every word that I said, but they did not often attend conventions like this one.

One last memory of Vince popped into my head. One day in 1979 he came into Manoogian with a hickey on his neck. He made no attempt to hide it, but he would not talk about it.

Vince received his masters degree in the spring of 1979. He coached debate for Dale Hample at Western Illinois in 1979-1980.

Ken Haught might have been on the staff in my last year, 1979-1980. I remember him, but only vaguely

Jack Kay was George’s right-hand man when I arrived. He was still a graduate student, but he had an office of his own. I came to learn that Jack had been a member of the Students for a Democratic Society (SDS) in his younger years. Reportedly he had actually met Tom Hayden and Jane Fonda.

Jack married Ruth Colwander, who was just a sophomore in my first year at Wayne State. Jack had been the coach of Ruth and the other novices in the previous year. They had done very well.

I don’t know why, but I interacted very little with Jack. I remember only two fairly innocuous incidents. The first occurred at a staff meeting. George told us that some financial assistance had become available for one debater. I don’t remember the amount. George asked for suggestions as to who should get it. I immediately recommended that Ruth, who was the only serious debater who had a job, should be considered. Jack, who was involved with but not married to Ruth, was astonished at my suggestion. I guess that he thought of me as a foe. If so, it was not mutual.

The second event occurred at the National Debate Tournament in 1978 in Denver. Wayne State sent one team (Debbie McCully and Scott Harris) and three coaches to this tournament.

Wayne State’s team met (I think) one of the teams from Redlands in the eighth round. The whole tournament knew that both teams from Redlands were running a case that had something to do with infanticide. I had never heard it, and I no idea of the substance of Redlands’ plan.

Jack ran into the library. I don’t know if he found anything. I kept out of his way.

Jack had, however, heard the case in a previous round. When he saw that our team was facing Redlands, he rushed to the library to try to photocopy something. He then spent the little remaining time lecturing Debbie and Scott on how to attack the cse.

I wished that he had shared his ideas with us earlier—there were fairly long breaks for power-matching after every round. I said absolutely nothing at the time; he might have had an inspired argument.

Scott and Debbie lost 3-0. If Jack had not taken over, I would have advised them to relax and avoid the temptation to twist any of their prepared arguments to fit this case. Instead, they should just try to challenge everything, make reasonable claims of their own, and watch for mistakes. They should then concentrate on finding one decisive argument that they could win and sell it dramatically in the last rebuttal.

Of course, they still probably would have lost to a team with more high-level experience.

Jack was a big guy. He was also, unless I am mistaken, the only Jewish member of the staff. He was, I guess because of his size, recruited to play Santa Claus at the FU Christmas party. However, his “ho-ho-ho” was worse than pathetic. So, I made the big laugh from off-stage while he was entering.

Ron Lee joined the staff in 1979-80 wife his wife Karen. She was my age and debated at either Southern Illinois or Illinois State. She might have done something with the team at Wayne, too.

Ron debated at Wayne State, at times with Jack Kay. The only thing that I remember about his coaching technique was that he insisted that the team eat at restaurants that had waiters and/or waitresses. He hated going to counters for his food.

It was probably better on skates.

John Pfeiffer came from Florida He was at Wayne State for my first two years. In the second year he was the IE director.

John had an interesting background. He had worked at Disneyland as a strolling bear character. He said that it was the worst job in the world. He had also appeared as a character on roller skates in Shakespeare’s The Two Gentlemen of Verona.

Donaldson’s Covenant books were my favorites.

Tuna Snider10 came to Wayne State in 1979-80, my last year, and was installed in Jack’s old office. I had known him a little when he was the coach at Boston College. I never heard anyone call him anything but Tuna.

I don’t think that I went to any tournaments with Tuna. In fact, the only interaction with him that I remembered was when he noticed that I was often sitting around the debate lounge reading a paperback book. One day he asked what kind of fiction I liked, and I answered, “Swords and sorcery”. He made a positive noise and returned to his office. In truth I read most of these fantasy books just to get ideas for D&D dungeons.

For some reason Tuna did not attend the NDT with us in Arizona in 1980, and my memories of his involvement with the program seemed to be minimal. Perhaps he had a falling out with George.


1. George died in 2019. A press release from the university can be read here.

2. In 2021 the Benoits are on the faculty of the communications department of the University of Alabama at Birmingham. Billy’s Wikipedia page is here. His boss’s career is described on this webpage. Click on her photo or the blue text.

3. Sue and I have a river cruise scheduled for October of 2021. It departs from Amsterdam, and we have also scheduled one extra day there.

4. The toboggan run at Pokagon State Park remained open through the pandemic winter of 2020-2021. Its website is here.

5. Gerry died in an automobile accident in, I think, the eighties. At the time he owned a company that produced machined parts for auto dealers. It was located in his family’s home town in Kentucky.

6. Vince died of colon cancer in the early eighties.

7. In the twenty-first century it is called the Central States Communications Association.

8. In 2021 Ken is the Dean of Arts and Sciences at Dickinson State University in North Dakota.

9. Jack died in 2015. A tribute to him can be read here.

10. Tuna Snider got his PhD from Kansas, not Wayne State. He died in 2015 after spending more than thirty years at the University of Vermont. His Wikipedia page is here.

1962-1965 Rockhurst High Part 1A: Freshman Year Classes

High school is different. Continue reading

We were so lucky. Our class was the first freshman class at Rockhurst High in the new building at 9301 State Line Road. That meant that none of the upperclassmen were any more familiar with the layout of the new place than we were. Nobody tried to sell us an elevator pass. I made my way to my homeroom, #204, on a September morning in 1961.

Construction of the new school was still taking place during the summer of 1961. The dark section in the middle is the gym. The building on the right is where the Jesuits lived.

Construction of the new school was still taking place during the summer of 1961.

Rockhurst has always been an all-male school. In 2020 Rockhurst High School is still in the same location, and it is thriving. The tuition is over $14,000 per year, as opposed to $300 in the sixties. There are now about a thousand students, an increase of roughly 25 percent.

St. Ignatius of Loyola.

St. Ignatius of Loyola.

Rockhurst is a Jesuit institution. The Society of Jesus was founded by a Spaniard, St. Ignatius Loyola. Pope Paul III approved the order in 1540. In the last few centuries the Jesuits became primarily known as educators. Rockhurst was certainly one of the best high schools of any type in the KC area.

About half of the teachers in my day were Jesuits, almost all of them from St. Louis. Many were “scholastics”, i.e., Jesuits who had not yet been ordained as priests. We students called them “mister” just as we did the laymen, but they dressed in black cassocks as did the priests. There might have been one female who taught typing. I say “might” because, by a strange twist of fate, typing was never offered to my class. In 2020 there are very few Jesuits at Rockhurst. The theology department, with a total faculty of thirteen, has only one! There are more than a dozen female teachers, including two department chairs.

One person in my freshman class was black. He played no sports, and he was never in any of my classes. I don’t remember his name. The other three classes had none, and none of the subsequent classes (while I was there) had any. Rockhurst High in 2020 had a considerable number of black students. I don’t know how many were athletes.

In the sixties a considerable number of blacks lived in KC on both sides of the state line, but I have no idea how many were Catholics. At any rate, the new school was on the far southern edge of the city, ninety blocks from downtown. I doubt that there was overt discrimination, but most of the blacks probably went to KC public schools. They might have had trouble with the entrance exam.

The freshmen class was divided into six groups, as designated by six homeroom numbers, based on test scores. We all took classes in the same subjects: religion, English, algebra, health, world history, phys ed, and, of course, Latin. So, everyone whose homeroom was 204 had no classes at all with anyone from any other homeroom. In subsequent years only minor adjustments were made to the groups. By junior year the schedules were more varied, but at the end of four years I had been in classes with less than 25 percent of the 200 or so guys in the class of ’66. So, there were many that I did not know at all.

From day one it was obvious that the classroom experience would be fundamentally different from the educations that most of us had received from the nuns. The only thing that seemed familiar was that we sat in alphabetical order so that the teacher need not waste time calling roll every day.

Discipline was strict, but there were very few incidents. Nearly everyone who attended wanted to be there and appreciated the value of the environment and the education. Each of us was issued a demerit card. Demerits were punched by faculty or staff. If you were given five demerits in a semester, you got a “jug”, which meant that you stayed after school. I got a few demerits over the years but only one jug. That occurred when Mr. Rothermich, SJ, got annoyed with me for practicing basketball moves with my rolled-up stocking cap in the speech room after school.

BeatlesWe had a dress code that prohibited sneakers, sandals and the like, jeans, and shorts. Shirts had to have collars and buttons. The most popular style of shoe was black leather with pointed toes (roach-killers). Facial hair was out. No hair was allowed on the collar, ears, or forehead. That was fine for the first year and a half, but in February of 1964 guess what happened.1

We were not required to attend mass every day, but we did write AMDG (Ad Maiorem Dei Gloriam) and BVMH (Beatae Virginis Mariae Honore)

In the first religion class Father Bauman, the vice-principal, began by walking up and down the aisles asking various students a question none of us had considered: “The bible, book or books?” The right answer is definitely “books”, but I bet that a lot of devout Christians would get it wrong. The message was simple. We were not going to memorize the catechism any more; we were going to learn the basis for our common religion.

This is easier if you understand glopitude.

This is easier if you understand glopitude.

In the very first Latin class Mr. Kister, SJ, wrote the following sentence on the wall “The gloppy glop glopped the glop gloppily.” The purpose was to show that even in English, which is a word-order language, word endings are often used to identify the nature of individual words. Gloppy is clearly an adjective, glopped is a past-tense verb, and gloppily is an adverb. In Latin word-endings are everything. Mastering Latin is largely a matter of learning to look for and listen for word-endings. Once again, we were being taught to think and understand, rather than memorize. Latin was my favorite class for the first two years. It was edged out by Greek the last two years.

Seldom used, but easy to throw and catch.

Seldom used, but easy to throw and catch.

Mr. Stark’s world history class was a little different. He made us memorize this six-phrase list: pencil, pen, eraser, assignment book, folder, paper. We were required to have them at all classes. Every so often he would require us to lay out all six items on our desk for inspection. A demerit was punched for each missing item. Fairly often an eraser would be launched by a student who had already passed inspection in the direction of someone yet to be checked.

Mr. Stark also gave a quiz every day. Everyone hated this, but I think that it was a good idea. I, for one, would probably have put off reading or just skimmed the assigned lessons until right before the test if he had not done so. When I taught at Wayne State, I borrowed this technique.

ParthenonMr. Stark, who died in 2008, was not my favorite person, but I appreciated his dedication. The one thing that I did not like was when he showed us slides of Greek and Roman ruins. Many years later I saw most of these in person, and even then I found them tiresome after a while. Looking at someone else’s photos got old really fast.

I never thought about this much, but I did not really like Mr. Stark or Mr. Ryan, the basketball coach who also taught American history, a required course for sophomores. I respected both of them, and I took all the history courses offered at Rockhurst, but I did not even consider enrolling in history classes in college. Many years later I became really interested in papal history, and by extension Italian history, and by extension European history. In fact I became obsessed with these subjects. I think that I could have been a really good historical researcher, writer, and teacher. Oh, well, that ship has sailed.

What I remember most about the algebra class taught by Mr. Sisler, SJ, was his peculiar lisp, which, I suspect, came from a slight German accent. One day he asked a question, and I volunteered an answer. He then wrote it on the board and said, “Mistuh Ravada gave us this run to twy” with all the r and w sounds reversed. Not many students sniggered, but everyone talked about it after class.

Nevertheless, he was quite good at teaching algebra. However, he disappeared after our freshman year. I don’t know where he went.

ImpostorBy far the weakest of our teachers was a priest, whose name was, if memory serves, Father Wallace. He taught English, and sometimes he actually dozed off in class. We read nine or ten books throughout the year. The selection was not that stellarhe had a penchant for westerns. He also made a mistake in ordering one book. He ordered The Great Impostor, the biography of Ferdinand Waldo Demara, when he meant to order a novel with a similar title. So, we wasted a few weeks talking about Tony Curtis. I don’t remember this priest being around in subsequent years, either.

I am not sure why, but we also read Mutiny on the Bounty, the non-fiction book by Nordhoff and Hall that has been made into several movies. I remember that after we had supposedly been reading it for a week or so, Father Wallace asked someone whether the sailors made it back to England. The guy whom he asked said that he had not finished the book. Eventually, when it was explained that the answer was on the first page, he had to admit that he had actually not read any of it.

Father Wallace

Father Wallace

When we were assigned to write a short story, mine was about two twins named Judy and Jody and how they treated their dog. I wasn’t very proud of it, but my classmates voted it the best. I was quite surprised.

Tuchness2Phys ed was fun. Coach Tuchness, who died in 2014, had us do all kinds of interesting stuff: wrestling, marine basketball (no fouls called), tumbling, crab walks, and regular games. The best part was that he did not make us try to climb a rope. I was one of the few guys who could do a headstand out of a backward roll. I found out that my peculiar spider-shaped build with amazingly flexible wrists was ideal for both types of crab walks. In either type of crab walk race, I was unbeatable.

Coach Tuchness set up a wrestling match between Pat Dobel and me. We were both built like spiders. He was slightly taller and heavier than I was, but I really thought that I could take him. We wrestled for what seemed like a really long time, and once I almost flipped him. However, neither of us could pin the other. Coach called it a draw.

Rockhurst graded on a 100-point scale. I don’t remember any individual grades, but my average was over 90, which qualified me for “first honors.” The teachers at the Rock were tough graders, but I finished in the top ten of my class in all sixteen quarters. Where is my scholarship?


1. I found a copy of a yearbook from 1975 online. By then the hair standards had been considerably relaxed.

Reflections on the Conclave

Assessment, predictions, etc. Continue reading

Now that the pontificate of Pope Benedict XVI has come to an end, it is time to reflect on its achievements and shortcomings. Actually, it is difficult to think of much to put in either category. Benedict continued virtually all of the policies of his predecessor. He had none of Pope John Paul II’s flair, however, and nothing that he did comes close to matching the latter’s accomplishment of serving as the wedge that toppled the Iron Curtain in Europe. I would say that no pope since the end of the Papal States in 1870, with the exception of the short-lived John Paul I, has been less influential. If Benedict XVI is remembered for anything, it will be for his attention to his appearance. He hired a new tailor, wore fabulously jeweled crosses, and, of course, he often appeared in his red Prada loafers. He was almost certainly the most style-conscious pontiff since Paul II, the flamboyant Venetian of the cinquecento. Benedict even made a splashy exit by taking a helicopter to Castel Gandolfo, which can be reached by car in an hour or so.

The conclave was much shorter than I expected, but the outcome was exactly as I predicted. The electors chose a male Catholic. According to the reports of the most reliable vaticanisti, no woman received more than 20 percent of the vote on any scrutiny (the official term for a round of voting in a conclave), and no Jews or Muslims were seriously considered.

The new pope selected the name Francis. He has not personally disclosed the thought process behind this choice, but a Vatican spokesman has announced that “Cardinal Bergoglio had a special place in his heart and his ministry for the poor, for the disenfranchised, for those living on the fringes and facing injustice.” So, it appears that, until the pontiff expresses himself, we must conclude that he was dedicating his pontificate to the memory of St. Francis of Assisi, the thirteenth century ascetic who founded the order now known as the Franciscans.

So, what can we expect from a new pope named Francis? Based upon my years of research of papal history and fully cognizant that my heretofore perfect record of pontifical predictions is on the line, I confidently make the following two predictions:

  1. There will be no change in the official Church policies on ordination of women or abortion.
  2. We have seen the last of the red Prada shoes and the bejeweled accoutrements for a while.

That a Jesuit such as Cardinal Bergoglio would take the name of the founder of another order is certainly peculiar. There have been a couple of Franciscan popes before. By some strange twist of fate, in fact, the pope who suppressed the Jesuit order, Clement XIV, was a Franciscan.

Evidently Pope Francis wants Catholics to focus their attention on the spiritual matters that were important to St. Francis in the thirteenth century rather than the material concerns that he had completely forsaken. As a matter of fact this same dichotomy was the focus of a rather famous controversy that came to a head ninety-eight years after the saint’s death in 1226.

A lot had transpired in the interim. The order established by St. Francis had grown dramatically. The popes for the last seventeen years had not been living in Rome; instead they had usurped the bishop’s residence in Avignon in the Provence and had transformed it into a colossal palace/fortress for their own use. The resident at the time was an irascible and miserly figure named John XXII. His was the sort of pontificate that Scrooge McDuck might have been aspired to if he had been a Roman Catholic cleric.

The Fransiscan order at the time was split into two sects, the “Conventuals” and the “Spirituals.” The latter argued that St. Francis and Jesus before him had ordered their followers to reject all of their worldly possessions in pursuit of spiritual salvation. The Conventuals opted for a more lenient and less literal interpretation. A previous pope and council had ruled in favor of the Spirituals, but Pope John issued a bull that endorsed the position of the Conventuals.

At this point the story gets interesting. The Spirituals argued that the matter had already been settled by the pope and council. The fact that John XXII was contradicting established doctrine was irrefutable evidence that he was not in fact a legitimate pope! John XXII responded with another blustery bull, Quia Quorundam, in which he declared their positions as outright heresy.

Pope John meant business. Sixty-four of the Spirituals were summoned to Avignon. Some were remanded to the Inquisition, and four of them were burned at the stake in Marseilles.

Incidentally, when Pope John XXII died in 1334 he was so rich that some people thought that he had found the Philosopher’s Stone and that it gave him the power to transmute base metals into gold.

A Jesuit Pope

A short history of the Society of Jesus. Continue reading

The new pope is a member of the Society of Jesus, better known as the Jesuit order. He is the first pope to be chosen from the ranks of the Jesuits. The Jesuits, apart from the pontiff himself and the four Jesuit cardinals, are known for their simple black robes, Most of them are teachers and missionaries. Many of the most well-known Catholic universities in the United States — Georgetown, Boston College, Marquette, St. Louis University, and all of the Loyolas to mention a few — are run by the Jesuits.

I know a little about them; I went to a Jesuit high school for four years. I can still remember my very first religion class there. Fr. Bauman began the first class by challenging us freshmen to answer the following question, “The Bible: book or books?” I was very impressed that he actually wanted us to think about it. Prior to that day religion classes for me consisted of memorizing the catechism and speculating about whether one could use water from a car’s radiator for an emergency baptism if it contained antifreeze.

The primary reason that no Jesuit had previously been elected pope is that all Jesuits swear an oath that they will not accept any such election. That Pope Francis felt compelled to break this vow might be the most underreported story of the entire event. The other reason is that Jesuits have been so historically controversial that they were actually disbanded for decades by one of the popes whom they swore to serve. This is a story worth telling.

The Jesuits were founded in the sixteenth century by a Basque mystic known as Ignatius Loyola. The group devoted itself to the pope for two purposes: to counter the intellectual arguments of the Protestants and to spread the faith outside of Europe. They were more successful at the second objective than the first, largely owing to the fact that they were perfectly willing to adapt to the customs and cultures of those whom they aimed to convert. In China they worked so closely with the emperor that one of them helped him manufacture cannons. The Jesuits there learned Chinese language and customs and even adopted Chinese modes of dress. A few Confucian notions were even integrated into the celebration of the mass. The results were overwhelmingly positive.

In Latin America the Jesuits likewise converted huge numbers of natives to Christianity and fought hard against their enslavement by the Portuguese. This struggle was dramatically portrayed in the 1986 movie, The Mission.

For two centuries the Jesuits amassed tremendous power in the Church. The process of their ascendancy, however, ruffled a few feathers. The Dominicans objected to their unconventional tactics in the Far East, and eventually they were recalled from their missions in China and India by Pope Benedict XIV. The Bourbons and other European powers complained about their activities in the New World, which occasionally ventured into entrepreneurial realms that competed with the activities of the kings and their relatives. Matters came to a head in 1767 when all Jesuits were rounded up and banished from Spain. In 1774 Pope Clement XIV issued a bull that officially disbanded the order. Within a month he died a horrendous death, and many blamed the Jesuits for poisoning him.

The Jesuits were officially suppressed, but they did not disappear. Jesuit priests were still priests, but their order had no official standing. In a few countries they continued to operate openly, but in most places they were forced to keep a very low profile. In 1814 Pope Pius VII reinstated the order after four decades of suppression, and the Jesuits almost immediately resumed their positions of influence, which they have maintained until yesterday, when one of their number assumed the Throne of Peter to lead the entire Church.

Incidentally, the correct answer to Fr. Bauman’s question is “Books.”