1991-2012 TSI: AdDept: The Whiffs

A few notable failures. Continue reading

We had a very good record of closing AdDept sales. Most of the whiffs fell into one of two categories:

  1. Divisions of Federated Department Stores. Our relationships with various Federated divisions are described in detail here. They are not included in this entry.
  2. Companies that did not advertise enough to justify a high-quality multi-user centralized database. We actually sold the AdDept system to a couple of these anyway.

TSI’s first efforts to market AdDept were concentrated around New York and New England. I figured that there were not very many retailers who could afford the system to keep track of advertising, but, then again, I did not really expect to justify the cost of the system at Macy’s in the very first module that we activated—ad measurement.

The strip mall in which the Enfield store was located was named after Caldor.

Our first attempt was a quintessential whiff. Kate Behart (much more about her here) had been in contact with someone in the advertising department at Caldor, a discount department store based in Norwalk, CT. Kate arranged for me to give a presentation to them at the IBM office in Norwalk. Of course, we had to make sure that the office had the BASIC program, and I had to install both the AdDept programs and some data that I had dummied up from Macy’s real data.

My presentation was flawless. The only problem that I encountered that day was the lack of an audience. No one from Caldor showed up. We never did find out why not. Kate called them repeatedly, but no one returned her calls. It may have had something to do with the fact that in 1989, the year that we installed the first AdDept system at Macy’s, the May Company sold Caldor to a group of investment houses.

Caldor went out of business in 1999.


I also paid a visit to another local retailer, Davidson and Leventhal, commonly known as D&L. Theirs were not exactly department stores, but they had fairly large stores that sold both men’s and women’s clothing. So, they had quite a few departments. The stores had a good reputation locally. The headquarters was in New Britain, CT.

This D&L ad was on the back cover of the issue of Northeast that featured my story (described here).

The advertising department only employed three or four employees. They wanted to know if they could use the computer for both D&L ads and ads for Weathervane, another store that they owned, as well. That seemed vaguely feasible to me, and so I said they could. In fact, we later did this for Stage Stores and for the Tandy Corporation, but both of those companies were much larger, and I had a much better understanding by then of what it entailed.

I didn’t even write up a proposal for D&L. The person with whom I spoke made it clear that what we were offering was way out of their price range.

D&L went out of business in 1994, only a few years after our meeting. Weathervane lasted until 2005.


I have only a vague recollection of doing a demonstration at IBM’s big facility in Waltham, MA, for a chain of auto parts retailers from Phoenix. The name of the chain at the time was Northern Automotive. My recollection is that I spoke with a man and a woman. If they told me how they heard about AdDept, I don’t remember it. After a very short time it was clear that AdDept was much more than the company needed. Although Northern Automotive had a lot of stores with four different logos, it only ran one ad per week. So there was really not much to keep track of. I had the distinct impression that the demo was just an excuse for the couple to take a vacation in New England on the company’s dime.

I don’t remember either of their names, but the experience list on LinkedIn for a guy named Paul Thompson (posted here) makes him a strong candidate. Northern Automotive changed its name to CSK Auto, Inc. not long after our meeting. In 2008 CSK was purchased by O’Reilly Auto Parts.

Won’t Paul be surprised to be busted thirty years later in an obscure blog?


Tom Moran (more details here) set up an appointment with employees of Genovese Drugs at its headquarters in Melville, NY. The two of us drove to Long Island to meet with them.

I probably should have talked to someone there over the phone before we left. The only impression that I remember getting from the meeting was that they were not at all serious about getting a system. We had a great deal of trouble getting them to describe what the advertising department did at the time and what they wanted to do. I was frustrated because I had considered this a relatively cheap opportunity to learn how chains of pharmacies handled their advertising. It was actually a waste of time and energy.

Tom tried to follow up, but he got nowhere. We did not submit a proposal.

J.C. Penney bought the company in 1998 and rebranded all the stores as Eckerd pharmacies.


Woodies’ flagship store in downtown Washington.

While I was working on the software installation at Hecht’s in 1991, Tom Moran coordinated our attempt to land the other big department store in the Washington, DC, area, Woodward & Lothrop, locally known as Woodies. I found a folder that contains references to correspondence with them. Tom worked with an IBM rep named Allison Volpert1. Our contacts at Woodies were Joel Nichols, the Divisional VP, and Ella Kaszubski, the Production Manager.

As I browsed through the file, I detected a few warning signs. The advertising department was reportedly in the process of asking for capital for digital photography, which was in its (very expensive) infancy in 1991. Tom was told that they hoped to “slip in” AdDept as part of the photography project. Furthermore, the fact that we were not dealing with anyone in the financial area did not bode well.

Someone wrote this book about Woodies.

Finally, we had no choice other than to let IBM propose the hardware. Their method of doing this always led to vastly higher hardware and system software costs than we considered necessary. I found a copy of IBM’s configuration. The bottom line was over $147,000 and another $48,600 for IBM software. This dwarfed what Hecht’s had spent. If the cost of AdDept was added in, they probably were facing a purchase price of over a quarter of a million dollars! That is an awful lot to “slip in”.

I don’t recall the details, but I remember having an elegant lunch during this period with someone from Woodies in the restaurant of the main store. It may have been Joel Nichols. It seemed like a very positive experience to me. He seemed eager to automate the department.

We lost contact with Woodies after early 1992. I seriously doubt that the advertising department even purchased the photography equipment that they had coveted. The early nineties were very bad for retailers. By 1994 the owner of Woodies and the John Wanamaker chain based in Philadelphia declared bankruptcy and then sold the stores to JC Penney and the May Company. Many of the stores were rebranded as Hecht’s or Lord and Taylor.


In some ways Fred Meyer, a chain of department stores based in Portland, OR, seemed like a perfect match for TSI. At the time they were almost unique, and we usually excelled at programming unusual ideas. Their approach to retail included what are now called “hypermarket” (department store plus groceries) stores, although they definitely had some much smaller stores as well. The one in downtown Portland was very small. I really thought that we had a good shot at getting this account, largely due to the fact that the IT department already had one or two AS/400’s. So, the hardware cost would probably be minimal.

She would be lucky to make it in nine hours; there were no direct flights.

I was asked to work with a consultant who, believe it or not, commuted from Buffalo, NY, to Portland, OR. I can’t remember her name. She knew computer systems but virtually nothing about what the advertising department did. She wanted me to tell her what AdDept could do, and she would determine whether the system would work for them. I have always hated it when a “gatekeeper” was placed between me and the users. I understand that they do not trust the users to make a good decision, but advertising is very complicated, and almost no IT consultants know much about it. I would not have minded if the consultant sat in on interviews that I conducted with people in advertising.

If I was allowed to meet with anyone from the scheduling or financial areas of the department, I do not remember it at all. I do remember spending an afternoon with the head of the company’s photography studio. AdDept had a module (that no one used) for managing shoots and another (used by Macy’s East) for managing the merchandise that is loaned to the studio for a shoot.

I remember the photo studio guy mentioning that they also did billable work for outside clients. He mentioned Eddie Bauer by name. He could not believe that I had never heard of it/him.

I probably botched this opportunity. Before agreeing to come out the second time, I should have insisted on meeting with whoever placed their newspaper ads and the person in charge of advertising finance. I did not want to step on the toes of the lady from Buffalo, but I probably should have been more aggressive.

Kate accompanied me on one of these trips. We probably flew on Saturday to save on air fare. On Sunday we drove out to Mt. Hood, where we saw the lodge and the glacier, and visited Multnomah Falls on the way back.

Freddie’s was acquired by Kroger in 1998, but the logos on the stores were maintained. There still is a headquarters in Portland, but I don’t know if ads are still created and/or placed there.


Aside from our dealings with Federated divisions2 TSI had very few whiffs during the period that Doug Pease (described here) worked for us. After one of our mailings Doug received a call from Debra Edwards3, the advertising director at May Ohio, a May Company division that had its headquarters in Cleveland. Doug and I flew Continental non-stop to Cleveland and took the train into downtown. My recollection was that we were able to enter the store from the underground train terminal.

The presentation and the demo went very well. I am quite certain that we would have gotten this account were it not for the fact that in early 1993 the May Company merged the Ohio division with Kaufmann’s in Pittsburgh. Management of the stores was transferred to Pittsburgh. Debra was hired as advertising director at Elder-Beerman Stores.

We stayed overnight in Cleveland and had time to visit the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, which was right down the street from the huge May Co. building. I cannot say that I was greatly impressed with the exhibits.


A few years later Doug and I undertook a second trip to Cleveland to visit the headquarters of Sherwin Williams. Doug had talked extensively with the lady who was the advertising director there. He was very enthusiastic about the prospect of making this sale. By that time Doug had already closed a few big deals for us, and so I trusted his judgment. However, I could not understand how a company that really only sold one product could possibly need AdDept. Yes, they have thousands of stores, but how many ads do they run?

I don’t honestly remember anything about our discussion with them. Needless to say, Doug did not close this one, although he never stopped trying to revive it.


I don’t really count it as a whiff, but Doug was unable to close the deal with Liberty House in Honolulu after our epic trip to Hawaii in December of 1995. The details are recounted here.


I drove past two of the stores in Texas, but I never went inside.

Just as Marvin Elbaum had backed out of his contract with TSI for a GrandAd system in 1986 (as described here), so also one company signed an agreement for TSI’s AdDept system and, before we had installed the system, changed its mind. There was one big difference in the two situations. The second company was the Tandy Corporation, which had actually ordered installations of AdDept for all three of its retail divisions. At the last minute the company decided to close down Incredible Universe, one of the three divisions. The other two companies became TSI clients in 1997, as is described here.

It was not a big loss for TSI. IU was one of a kind. Its stores were gigantic multi-story combinations of electronics and theater. There were only seventeen stores, and only six were ever profitable. Those six were sold to Fry’s Electronics. The other eleven were sold to real estate developers at pennies on the dollar.


I did a demo for Mervyn’s California, a department store based in Hayward, CA. I think that I must have done the demo after finishing a training/consulting trip at Macy’s West in San Francisco. I cannot imagine that I would have flown out to the west coast to do a demo without spending a day or two gathering specs.

The IBM office nearest to Hayward was in Oakland. I took BART in the late afternoon from San Francisco to Oakland. There was quite a bit of excitement at the Holiday Inn at which I was staying. Someone had been murdered on the street in front of the hotel the previous night. There was one other very peculiar thing about this stay. I checked into a Holiday Inn with no difficulty, but I checked out of a different hotel (maybe a Ramada?). The hotel had been sold, and its ownership had changed while I was asleep.

The demo went fine. The guy who had contacted me—his name was Thiery or something like that—liked what he saw. However, the sale never advanced any further. This was almost always what happened whenever I got talked into doing a demo without taking at least a day to interview the potential users. At the time that I did the demo Mervyn’s was, unbeknownst to me, owned by Target. This might have explained the lack of progress. Target may have been restricting or rejecting any capital purchases at the time.

Mervyn’s was sold to some vulture capitalists in 2004. A much smaller version of the chain went out of business in 2009.


For some reason Doug and I once had a very short meeting with the president of Gottschalks, a chain of department stores based in Fresno, CA. He told Doug and me that he would get all of the other members of the Frederick Atkins Group to install AdDept. This organization (absolutely never abbreviated by its initials) somehow enabled its members to shop for foreign and domestic merchandise as a group. Nearly every department store that was not owned by the May Company or Federated belonged to it.

A few years after he made this promise he (or someone else at Gottschalks) arranged for me to speak before the members at one of their conventions in Naples, FL. I flew to Fort Meyers and rented a car from there. Naples was beautiful and reeked of new money. I gave my little spiel, but I did not have an opportunity to interact with any of the members of the audience. So, I did not get any direct feedback.

We eventually did sign up a few members of the group—notably the Bon-Ton (described here) and Elder-Beerman (described here). I don’t know whether my speech had any effect.

I think that the Frederick Atkins Group is defunct in 2021. The references to it that I could find on the Internet were all from decades past.


In (I think) 1999 Doug Pease and I made an unproductive trip to Columbus, OH, to talk with the IT director of of Value City about the possibility of installing the AdDept system for use by the advertising department. That adventure is described here.


First stop: Norfolk.

TSI got a phone call from a chain of furniture stores in coastal Virginia, Norfolk4, as I recall. As part of my crazy automotive support trip, I stopped by to talk with the advertising director at this company on my journey from Home Quarters Warehouse in Virginia Beach to Hecht’s in Arlington. I spent a couple of hours with him. When I discovered that the company had only three stores, I knew that this was a mistake. I told him that our software could address his problems, but the cost and effort would not be worth it for either of us. I advised him to hire someone who was a wiz with spreadsheets.

I think that I got a free cup of coffee out of it.

I can’t tell you what happened to the company thereafter because I don’t even remember its name.


We had two reasonably hot leads in 2000. I had to handle both of them myself. The first was at Bealls department store, which has its headquarters in Bradenton, FL. This was another situation is which I had to deal with the IT department rather than the advertising department. I am pretty sure that the company already had at least one AS/400. I have a few notes from this trip, but it is not clear whether I intended to do the demo on their system or on one at a nearby IBM office.

In any case I think that there was a technical problem that prevented a successful installation of the software needed for the demo. So, I had to improvise, and I did not get to spend much time with the people who would have benefited from the system. The whole thing made me very depressed.

I had some free time, and so I went to the beach. I stopped at a Jacobson’s store to buy a tee shirt to wear at the beach. The cheapest tee shirts in the store cost $100!

The beach was lovely, and it was unbelievably empty. The weather was pretty nice. A beach in Connecticut would have been packed in this type of weather.

All of these stores are gone.

We did not get the account, but the tale has an interesting coda. Bealls is still in business today. For years Bealls could not expand outside of the state of Florida because a different store with exactly the same name was already using it in other states. These Bealls stores were run by Stage Stores, a long-time AdDept client that was based in Houston. Stage Stores was still using AdDept when TSI went out of business in 2014.

In 2019 Stage announced that it was changing all of its stores into Gordmans, its off-price logo (which did not exist while I was working with them). When the company declared bankruptcy Bealls purchased, among other things, the right to use the Bealls name nationwide.


I remember going to Barneys New York in late 2000 to talk with someone in advertising. I also have discovered three emails that I sent to Christine Carter, who was, I think, either in charge of the advertising department or in charge of the financial side. Barneys only had twenty-two stores, and that included some off-price outlets. I don’t know how much they actually advertised.

Flagship store on 60th Street.

We never heard from them after my last email, which emphasized how easily AdDept could be adapted to differing needs even for companies the size of Barneys. By this time the very affordable AS/400 model 150 had been introduced. It would have been perfect for them.

I think that Barneys is dead or nearly so in 2021. All of the stores in the U.S have been closed, and even the “Barneys New York” brand was sold to Saks Fifth Avenue. However, the company also had a Japan division, which is evidently still operational.


I received a very unexpected phone some time in 2001 or 2002. It came from a man who had formerly worked at Saks Fifth Avenue and had taken a job as a Vice President at Sears. He knew that the advertising department at Saks had been doing things with its AdDept system that Sears’ advertising department seemed utterly incapable of. He invited me to the Sears headquarters in Hoffman Estates, IL, to investigate the possibility of installing AdDept at Sears.

At about the same time I had been in contact with the agency in a nearby town that Sears used for buying newspaper space and negotiating newspaper contracts. They wanted to talk with me about the possibility of working together. The agency’s name was three initials. I think that one was an N, but I am not sure.5

I arranged to spend consecutive days at the two places. It was cold on the day that I visited the agency. I learned that it recruited new clients by claiming that they could negotiate better rates for them because they also represented Sears. I suspected that this was baloney. Sears was a bid dog nationwide, but the amount of newspaper ads that they bought in any individual market was not that impressive. They were just in a lot of markets.

After the people explained the services that they offered to clients, I remarked that about 10 percent of what they did overlapped with about 10 percent of what we did. Privately I could not imagine that any of our clients who would benefit from their services.

I told them about AxN, our Internet product. They informed me that the papers did not want to sign on to their website for insertion orders. Of course, they wouldn’t, and they had nothing to hold over the papers.

We ended the meeting with the usual agreement to stay in touch and look for synergies, but privately I considered them the enemy.


I did not see a parking structure. Maybe I entered on the wrong side of the pond.

The next day was bitterly cold, and there was a strong wind. I located the sprawling Sears complex and parked my rented car in a lot that was already nearly full. I had to walk a long way to the main building, and I have never felt as cold as I did on that walk.

I could hardly believe it when I walked into the building. The ground floor was billed with retail establishments—a drug store, a coffee shop, a barber shop, and many more. I had to take the escalator up to get to Sears. I was met there by the woman with whom I had been in contact. She was from the IT department.

OK, now I get it. Our problem was that we did not have enough architects.

She took me up to meet the “advertising team”. Six or eight people were assembled in the room, and they all had assigned roles. I remember that one was the “system architect”, and one was the “database manager”. I almost could not suppress my amusement. What did all these people do? There was no system, and there certainly was no database. At TSI I handled essentially all the roles that everyone at the table described.

They asked me some questions about the AdDept system. When I told them that it ran on the AS/400, the system architect asked me if that system was not considered obsolete. I scoffed at this notion and explained that IBM had introduced in the AS/400 64-bit RISC processors that were state-of-the-art. I also said that, as far as I knew, the AS/400 was the only system that was build on top of a relational database. That made it perfect for what AdDept did.

I wonder how many “OS/2 shops” there were in the world.

They informed me that Sears was an OS/26 shop. I did not know that there was such a thing. In the real world Windows had already left OS/2 in its dust by that time. In all my time dealing with retailers I never heard anyone else even mention OS/2. It might have been a great idea, but IBM never did a good job of positioning it against Windows.

Besides, just because the corporation endorsed OS/2 should not eliminate consideration of multi-user relational databases where appropriate. The devices with OS/2 could serve as clients.

They explained to me that Sears’ advertising department had hundreds of employees, most of whom served as liaisons with the merchandise managers. Most of the ads were placed by agencies. I presume that the newspaper ads were produced in-house. No one whom I talked with seemed to know. The people on the committee did not seem to know anything about how the department did budgeting or planning.

The competition.

Someone talked about Sears’ competitors. The example cited was Home Depot. I don’t know why this surprised me. I must have been taken in by the “softer side of Sears” campaign a few years earlier.

After the meeting my escort took me to a remarkable room that was dedicated to the advertising project. It was a small theater that had ten or so posters on the wall with big Roman numerals at the top: I, II, III, IV, etc. There were no statues, but otherwise I was immediately struck by the resemblance to the Stations of the Cross that can be found in almost any Catholic church in the world. I asked what the posters represented. The answer was that they were the “phases of the project”. I was stunned by the assumption that the project required “a team” and that it was or indefinite duration. No one ever allowed us more than a month or two to have at least portions of the system up and running.

At some point I was allowed to give my presentation. The man who had worked at Saks attended along with a fairly large number of people. Maybe some were from advertising. I was never allowed to speak with them individually.

I never got to read the advertising department’s Wish Book.

My talk explained that AdDept was a relational database that was specifically designed for retail advertising departments. I described a few of the things for which it had been used by other retailers. I could not do much more than that. I had not been able to talk with any of the people in the department, and the IT people were clearly clueless.

When I returned to Connecticut I wrote to both my escort and the man from Saks. I told both of them that I did not know what the next step might be. I had not been given enough access to the advertising department to make a proposal. The whole experience was surreal. If someone had asked me to return, I would only have done it if I were granted unfettered access to potential users.

No one ever contacted us. I told Doug not to bother following up.


One puzzling whiff occurred during the very short period in which Jim Lowe worked for us. The strange case of Wherehouse Music is explored here.


Perhaps the strangest telephone call from a genuine prospect that I ever received was from Albertsons, a very large retailer with is its headquarters in Boise Idaho. The person who called was (or at least claimed to be) the advertising director there.

I had heard of Albertsons, but I did not know very much about the company. All I knew was that they were a chain of grocery stores in the west. Since advertising for grocery stores is basically limited to one insert/polybag7 per week, they had never seemed to be great prospects for AdDept. However, I never hung up on someone who expressed interest in the system.

The problem was that this lady insisted that I fly out to Boise to meet with her and her crew the next day. I tried to get her to explain what the situation was, but she said that she had no time to talk. She needed to know if I would make the trip. It was a little tempting for a peculiar reason. Idaho was one of the few states8 that I had never visited. Still, this sounded awfully fishy. I passed.

The incredibly bumpy road that Albertsons has traveled is documented on its Wikipedia page, which is available here. I don’t remember when the call from the advertising director came. I therefore have no way of knowing whether she was in charge of advertising for a region, a division, all of the grocery stores, or none of those. I might well have passed up an opportunity that might have extended the life of the company. Who knows? It looked like a goose, and it honked like a goose, but maybe going to Boise would not have been a wild goose chase.


Jeff Netzer, with whom I had worked in the nineties at Neiman Marcus (recounted here), called me one day in 2010. He asked me if I remembered him. I said that I did; he was the Aggie who worked at Neiman’s.

He informed me that he was now working at Sewell Automotive, the largest Cadillac dealership in the Dallas area. He said that they were looking for help in automating their marketing. I was not sure how well AdDept would work in that environment, but I agreed to visit them. His boss promised to buy me a steak dinner.

I flew Southwest to Dallas, and for the first time my plane landed at Love Field. It was much closer to Sewell than DFW would have been.

I found a great deal out about their operation. I doubted that we could do much for the agency for a reasonable amount of money. On my computer I recently found a three-page document dated September 23, 2010, in which I had listed all of the issues that I learned about at Sewell. A woman named Tucker Pressly entered all of their expense invoices into a SQL Server database. It was inefficient, and there were no programs to help them compare with budgets.

The main objective of the marketing department was to make sure that they were taking advantage of all available co-op dollars from Cadillac and other vendors. We could not help with this unless we wrote a new module. I described my reactions to their issues in a letter to Jeff.

I never heard back from Jeff, who left Sewell in 2012. Nobody ever bought me a steak dinner.

Sewell Automotive is still thriving in 2021.


In 2011 or 2012 I received a phone call from a lady from the advertising department at Shopko, a chain of department stores based in Green Bay, WI. I don’t recall her name. She said that she worked for Jack Mullen, whom I knew very well from both Elder-Beerman and Kaufmann’s. Before Doug Pease came to TSI, he had worked for Jack at G. Fox in Hartford.

I flew out to Packer Land to meet with her. They had a very small advertising department. They basically ran circulars in local newspapers on a weekly basis. As I remember, she and one other person ran the business office.

I worked up a proposal for the most minimal AdDept system that I could come up with and sent it to her. When I had not heard from her after a few weeks I called her. She said that the company was downsizing and, in fact, her position was being eliminated.

Jack also left the company in July of 2012. His LinkedIn page is here. Shopko went out of business in 2019.


1. Allison Volpert apparently still works for IBM in 2021. Her LinkedIn page is here.

2. As I write this I can easily visualize Doug stabbing a box with a pencil after a frustrating telephone conversation with someone from a Federated division.

3. I worked fairly closely with Debra Edwards when I installed the AdDept system at Elder-Beerman stores in Dayton, OH. That installation is described here. She was the Advertising Director there. Her LinkedIn page is here.

4. The “l” in Norfolk is silent, and the “ol” sounds much more like a short u.

5. I later learned that there were actually two affiliated agencies across the street from one another. I encountered the other one, SPM, in my dealings with Proffitt’s Inc./Saks Inc., which are detailed here. The agency was still around in 2023. Its webpage is here.

6. In fact IBM stopped updating OS/2 in 2001 and stopped supporting the operating system in 2006. I cannot imagine how Sears dealt with this. I pity their employees with nothing OS/2 experience at Sears on their résumés.

7. Polybags are the plastic bags that hold a group of flyers from diverse retailers. they are ordinarily distributed to people willy-nilly.

8. The others are Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, and Alaska. I am not certain of Arkansas. I might have gone there with my grandparents when I was a youngster. The only place that I have been in Utah is the Salt Lake City airport.

1992 Cruising Tour of Turkey and Greece: Part 1

Getting to and touring Istanbul. Continue reading

I had high hopes of watching some camel wrestling on this trip.

I do not remember how I discovered this cruise from Istanbul to Athens with stops in Lesbos, Kuşadası (Ephesus), Rhodes, and Santorini. The price was so low that I just could not pass it up. My recollection is that it was only $1,000 per person double occupancy, but maybe it was $1,500. It also included three nights at a very nice hotel in Istanbul and two nights in Athens.

How hard could modern Greek be?

Sometimes cruise lines had empty cabins that they would sell at the last minute for a deep discount to people who could travel with little notice. This could not have been one of those situations. I had time to check out a travel guidebook for Turkey from the library. In it I learned about camel wrestling, which I hoped to see in Turkey. I also had enough time to purchase Barron’s Mastering Greek at the local Barnes & Noble. It was a package of books and cassette tapes developed by the U.S. Foreign Service Institute. I entertained the fantasy that because of the ten semesters of classical Greek classes that I had taken in high school and college, I would be able to master modern Greek in a few weeks. I discovered that the grammar had not changed much, but the vocabulary was totally different. Phrases such as “early-born”, “rosy-fingered”, and “cloudgatherer” were not used much in the twentieth century. The worst discovery was that the pronunciation, especially the vowel sounds, was very different from what I was taught.

Sue agreed that we should sign up for the cruise. Our goal was simply to mix a lot of relaxation with a bit of the exotic. Did we check out the cruise line? Of course not. Why would we?

I cannot remember the name of the cruise line or the ship. I am pretty sure that the word “dolphin” was part of one or both of the names.1 I remember that when I checked a few years later the cruise line was out of business.

I also am uncertain of both the year and the month in which we traveled. My best guess is that it was 1992, but I may be wrong. My recollection is that the weather was pretty nice throughout the trip. Sue would have been very uncomfortable if we traveled in the summer. On the other hand, Denise Bessette was working fewer hours at TSI during the spring and fall because of her classes. I would feel much more comfortable knowing that she was in TSI’s office when we were abroad.

This was the plan.

The plan was to fly from Newark to Frankfort on Lufthansa and then change to another Lufthansa flight to Istanbul. Our return flight was non-stop from Athens to JFK in Queens. I made sure that I obtained a frequent flyer number from Delta and for whichever airline Lufthansa was associated with. I think that it was United.

I was a little scared of us being on our own in Turkey. I don’t remember that I ever saw Midnight Express, but I had heard about it. I also learned from the guide book that over 99 percent of the inhabitants of Turkey were Muslim. This did not give me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Sue and I were not experienced international travelers. We had both been to England in 1990, and Sue had been to Amsterdam in the seventies, but neither of us had ever changed planes in a foreign country, and the whole idea of arriving in Istanbul, while thrilling, also provoked a little angst. It was not the third world, but it wasn’t London or Amsterdam either.

We used Erika Travel, our usual agent, to book the flight to Newark. At the time Continental offered a shuttle service from Bradley to Newark. Our plane left Bradley and arrived in Newark on time. We then took the tram to the international terminal. When we reached the front of the line at the Lufthansa ticket counter, it was a little more than an hour before the departure time. The agent told us, however, that it was too late to check in. Our seats had already been assigned to standby passengers. She was, however, able to book us on a British Airways flight to Heathrow with a connection to Istanbul. It would arrive less than an hour after the Lufthansa flight from Frankfort.2

British Airways to the rescue.

There was still one major difficulty. Our luggage was in the Lufthansa section of the secure area. We had to wait for it to arrive at the British Airways ticketing area. The first step was for the bags to be located and placed on a cart. The cart then somehow needed to exit the secure area to a place where trucks were allowed. The truck then needed to circle around from the departure area to the arrival area to drop the bags off to us. It seemed very unlikely to me that all of this would work, but it did. We had just enough time to check our bags and board the British Airways flight.

This was a tremendous relief for me. I do not get stressed out over many things in life, but the idea of having to make connections “on the fly” from Newark, NJ, to Istanbul, Turkey, is the kind of scenario that usually only appears in my nightmares.

I don’t remember anything about the flight to London. We arrived early in the morning. We had no trouble finding our connection to Istanbul, and that flight arrived right on time. As soon as we got off of the plane, however, we knew that we were in a different sort of place. It seemed more like a second- or third-rate airport in the U.S. than a major international hub, and it felt old and unprofessional The most striking thing to me was a man wearing a suit seated at a card table. On the wall behind him was a cardboard sign: “Joker Rent-a-Car”.

Istanbul Atatürk Airport.

All of our luggage arrived, and we had no difficulty with customs. Now came the part that worried me. We exited the baggage claim area into the main terminal. Hundreds of people were amassed behind a cordon. Many were screaming at passengers whom they recognized or thought that they recognized. We endured a minute or two of panic in this chaotic scene, but then we spotted a young man hold a sign emblazoned with the name of our cruise line. We headed his way and introduced ourselves. His list of passengers was sorted by airline and flight number. Since our scheduled flight had arrive earlier, it took him a while to locate our names.

A different person, who had been standing next to him, walked with us for perhaps fifty yards. At that point we were handed off to another person. In all, five or six different escorts accompanied us for short stretches to the bus. The last of these explained that jobs were plentiful in Turkey, but the pay was not very good.

The bus took Sue, me, and perhaps twenty other passengers to our hotel, which was modern and western. I seem to remember that it was a Conrad Hotel, but I may be wrong. We went up to our room and unpacked. Nothing was scheduled for this first day. I went out for a little walk, but the hotel was pretty much isolated from the rest of the city. Immediately upon my return to the room I collapsed on the bed and slept for several hours. I was exhausted from the stress and jet lag. It was the first time that I had experienced jet lag, and this was the worst cast that I can remember.

Sue and I may have eaten supper at the hotel. At the time the exchange rate was approximately 7,000 lira per dollar. So, the prices on the menu were rather startling. The locals, however, were generally more than happy to take dollars from tourists.


The vacation started in earnest the next day. It was never clear who employed the people arranging our tours of Istanbul. The cruise line probably contracted with one or more local touring companies. In general, the approach was to spend a small amount of time at a large number of places.

Mustafa Kemal Atatürk.

Buses took us to various tourist spots accompanied by a guide. Ours was a young woman who spoke perfect English and, unlike nearly all of the local woman whom we saw, wore no head scarf. She informed us about the Janissaries, Christian troops who protected the Sultan and guarded the harem (accent on the second syllable). She also told us about Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, the Turkish national hero who defeated the Allies in World War I at Gallipoli and the combined Greek and allied forces in the Turkish Civil War that ended in 1923. She called that later event “the miracle”. I also remember her telling us how proud she was that her country, while predominantly Muslim, had a secular democratic government with the objective of being open to Europe and the west.3 The military, of all things traditionally intervened in favor of democracy and secularism whenever the government tilted toward religious fundamentalism.

We also learned from her that the Turks tended to take vacations as extended families. Many who worked in the European part owned second houses on the Asian coast that were used as vacation dwellings by relatives. We saw some of these houses. I remember being surprised at how many of them had solar panels.

One thing that our guide did not attempt was to teach us a few words of Turkish—not hello, good-bye, please, thank you: nothing. Although a small portion of the residents of Istanbul spoke English, it was a good bet that nearly all of those people were the ones that we would encounter in our short stay.

I don’t remember the order in which we visited the sights. It surprises me that we were able to cram so many into only two days. We did not stay more than a couple of hours at any of them, and I don’t remember needing to wait in line anywhere.

We definitely visited the Sultan Ahmed Mosque, which is better known as the Blue Mosque. It was gigantic. The inside was decorated with tiles and windows and figures, but mostly it was just empty. I knew that because they were considered idolatry, there would be no statues or painting inside, but it still seemed awfully vacant. This approach has worked to inspire people for thirteen centuries; it is definitely not my place to criticize it. I am just saying that it seemed to work much better as a mosque than as a tourist attraction.

The outside of the Blue Mosque, however, was definitely impressive. In fact, the whole array of domes and minarets throughout the city was striking. The calls to prayer were likewise a reminder that we were intruders in an ancient culture. We enjoyed the experience. One of the primary purposes of this cruise was to broaden our horizons.

The luxurious Topkapi Palace was the Ottoman Sultan’s home before 1856. It was then turned into a government office building and subsequently a museum. Our tour did not include the harem (accent on second syllable), but we were told that we could arrange to come back and see it on our own if we wanted to do so.

I do not remember much about the experience. After we entered the building we were on our own without a guide. I have a vague recollection of some armor and weapons, some documents , and some jewelry. Nothing really caught my attention. At that point in my life I was only vaguely familiar with the historical context.

I was hoping that we would get to visit Hagia Sophia, the famous cathedral that was the centerpiece of the Eastern Church for centuries. After the fall of Constantinople to the Ottomans in 1453 it was turned into a mosque. The day that we were scheduled to go there it was closed for some reason.

Instead the bus let us off at a former Christian church that featured a collection of Byzantine mosaics. I think that it might have been the Chora Church. As I recall, we were all rather tightly jammed into the space at the entrance. The mosaics were on all sides of us, including above us. My neck bothered me for several days after this. At the time I was too much of a philistine to appreciate the artistry, but at least it was more interesting than looking at hundreds of identical tiles. No one knowledgeable was with us to explain the works.

The bus also dropped us off at the Grand Bazaar, an incredibly large covered marketplace. Inside were several thousand stores. Although they were all inside, and there were only a few points of entry,there were lots of actual streets. The stores sold all kinds of stuff, but most catered to tourists. My recollection is that about half of them sold rugs. There might have been price tags on some items, but, in fact, all prices were negotiable.

My recollection is of a place with much less light and much more people.

Sue enjoyed examining the knickknacks at some of the stores. She may have bought something; I don’t remember. I did not go in very far; I tried to keep an exit in sight at all times. It would be extremely easy to get lost there. That would be my idea of hell, being lost in the Grand Bazaar being passed from one rug salesman to another until they finally broke down my resistance. Then a different set of vendors could swoop like hyenas after a kill.

Many of the salesmen in the bazaar sat outside of their stores and aggressively tried to encourage people to stop in their stores. They could identify foreigners from their shoes. Most of our group were obviously Americans.

We visited a location outside of the city walls. I think that it was the Rumelihisan Fortress. I do not remember much about it. Sue stayed down at the ground level and took photos4 while I climbed around and took in the incredible view across the Bosphorus.

We attended a concert of Turkish military music; come to think of it, it might have been inside the fortress. The musicians were in the army, and they all had big mustaches. We were told that this was a tradition among the Turks. For some reason the mustaches were said to terrify their opponents. I guess that they worked sort of like the maize and blue winged helmets.

I don’t remember much about the music itself. It sounded nothing like anything with which I was familiar. I get annoyed by bad music rather easily; this performance did not bother me.


On one of the evenings the cruise line had arranged a private party for our group at a different hotel. Buses took us there, and we all took the elevator up to a room on one of the top floors. There were snacks and drinks and music. The big attraction was some authentic Turkish belly dancing by one of the very few blonde women whom we encountered anywhere in Turkey. We later were informed that she had learned her technique at a belly dancing school in New Jersey. It was a goof, but we had a pleasant time.

A group of us also went to what was apparently a high-end carpet store that was, as I recall, air conditioned. My recollection is that we sat in something that resembled bleachers The salesman was very polished. He provided us all with a beverage. I think that it was the extremely strong Turkish coffee. There may have been something else. Then helper after helper brought out rug after rug that each unrolled with one practiced snap. The salesman then explained the weaving techniques employed the people who had woven the rugs and what the advantages of each method was. The presentation was very professional.

At the end he described the process the store used to send the rugs to the homes of the purchasers regardless of where they lived. Most of the attendees succumbed to the lure of the performance, but Sue and I had no interest in buying a rug. As I recall, the seats and the cool air were the selling points for our attendance.

All the men in Istanbul seemed to smoke cigarettes. My guidebook said that most were chain smokers. They might extinguish their cigarettes while they were pumping gas, but that was about it. We saw advertisements everywhere for Lucky Strike and Camel cigarettes. We were told that many Turks preferred American cigarettes They were considered healthier because the taste was not as strong.

I proudly called to mind the old American commercials that showed actors dressed as doctors endorsing various brands of cigarettes. No product was as profitable as an addictive drug. Tobacco was the best one because it took decades to kill their customers.

We saw countless taxi drivers in the European part of Istanbul. All of them were men, and they all seemed to have mustaches. They held their cigarettes between two fingers on the right hand as it perched perched on the steering wheel.

We were encouraged to venture out into the city on our own. The guide told us that there was very little crime in the city. The method of transportation preferred by the locals was in little vans that were available at designated locations. There did not seem to be a schedule. The van depart only when it was full. I don’t know how one transferred from one van to another. We never tried this.

On one of the mornings Sue and I got adventurous and walked to a little market near the hotel. We bought a loaf or two of bread and some jam or something. The whole thing cost less than a dollar, and we made a nice little breakfast out of it.


The cruise line arranged for all of us to cross the Bosphorus to the Asian side on a ferry. We stayed there only long enough to enjoy a wonderful home-cooked lunch at a restaurant there. I don’t remember exactly what was served. I think that they offered eight or ten dishes, and we were allowed to sample the ones that interested us. It was the first time that Sue and I had ever been in Asia.

On one other occasion our group ate at a restaurant that catered to business people. They were all seated near a large window far from the entrance. The proprietor seated as far away from them as possible because the air in their section was thick with cigarette smoke. As I recall, the food was quite good, but pricey by Turkish standards.


Our most memorable time in Istanbul was the last evening. I decided that we should go out and try a local restaurant on our own that I had noticed near the hotel. It had decals for Visa and MasterCard affixed to the door.

Sue and I walked there, went in, and asked in English supplemented by gestures for a table in the non-smoking section. Someone escorted us upstairs to an area with eight or ten tables. We immediately noticed the white tablecloths that were decorated with small holes—cigarette burns. I seem to remember that the waiter also brought a fan over to blow on us. It must have been warm up there.

Our enduring memory of Istanbul.

We both ordered fish and some side dishes that I don’t remember. The fish came with head and bones. After we had consumed what we could we each took a photo of the other as we held the fish skeleton beside our heads.

When the bill was presented, I gave my credit card to the waiter. He took it and was gone for a few minutes. He returned with the card and stammered for a few seconds before saying, “No sleeps. No sleeps.”

He meant that the restaurant had supposedly exhausted its supply of credit card slips. I suspect that the Visa and MasterCard stickers had not been valid for some time.

So, I paid with dollars. He brought back our change in liras. I explained that we were leaving the next morning, and could not use liras. He took back the liras. He was gone for five or ten minutes before he returned with the change in dollars. I suspect that he had to get it from a friend or relative.

Sue and I enjoyed this experience. There was something joyful about interacting successfully with someone from a totally different culture. They did things differently in Turkey, but in our experience they generally got them done.

The cruise itself, the days on the Greek mainland, and the return trip are described in Part 2, which can be read here.


The Dolphin IV after it was sold to Canaveral Cruise Line.

1. Dolphin Cruise Line, which was sold to Premier Cruise Line in 1997, owned and operated a ship called the Dolphin IV. It was definitely sailing in the early nineties, but I was unable to verify that it sailed the Aegean.

2. This turned out to be a real bonanza. We were not charged anything for transferring our reservations to British Airways. In fact, Lufthansa took down our address and sent us a check for several hundred dollars to cover the inconvenience. Flying was a lot different in those days.

3. I remember thinking about our young guide in 2014 when Recep Tayyip Erdoğan’s Justice and Development Party was elected and began moving the country away from this secular and democratic approach. In 2021 secular Turkey is only a dim memory.

4. I have not been able to locate any of Sue’s photos of this trip. The only photos that I took were with Sue’s camera.